Don't wish your problems away!

As a student, I hated Math. Resultantly, I was weakest in that subject. So, understandably, I was amused to find my son and his friend (both of whom are majoring in Math at American universities) spending hours discussing a particular Math problem and the possible ways to solve it. Amazed, I asked my son how he developed such a great aptitude for the subject. Didn’t he find it boring and frustrating? “No Dad. If you get the conceptual understanding and know the basics, incremental levels of difficulty in problem-solving can be surmounted. That’s what makes Math so much fun,”he clarified.

On the face of it, I am not sure if fellow-strugglers like me will entirely agree with him. But interesting learning there. Life itself is no different. In life, at various stages, we are confronted with problems of varying dimensions and intensity. Our first reaction is to hate those problems. Or wish that they weren’t there. But in choosing to wish our problems away, we are actually not fulfilling a key criterion of intelligent and successful living. Which is to solve each problem that comes our way__happily, patiently, surely.

So, as a child, you may have a problem with an academic subject or a sport. As a teenager, you may have a problem understanding people. As a young adult you may have a problem managing your time and with prioritisation. Or you may have a problem with your health. Or maybe a financial problem. Whatever be the problem, if we embrace it and take to problem-solving the same way Math majors approach their curriculum__by logically arguing, debating, considering multiple solution options and reasoning which one is the best__life will become a meaningful and enriching experience.

The reason why many of us are unable to adopt this approach is because we don’t have enough conceptual clarity of life. Some of us live in the belief that we have problems because we are condemned or are less worthy or have sinned. We sulk. Imagine, if Math majors sulked or kicked around, would they find solutions any faster? If we understand the purpose of our creation, dealing with life becomes easier. Simply, life is about learning and evolving. And such evolution happens only when we gain (learn) from the experience of having faced and solved problems.

A reader recently wrote to me describing his problem. He is madly in love with a girl who is spurning him. In the bargain, while the girl has moved on, he has lost two years of academics owing to severe depression and is now picking up the threads of his life again. He lamented that life was being unfair and wanted suggestions on how to convince the girl to like him. When you place his experience in the context of what we are discussing, you will agree that his learning must be that a.relationships are not one-way streets and require intent and interest from both ends and b. having lost two years, he must focus on building his career and not force the issue with the girl. Especially when she is not interested. But this learning appears to be evading him because he is wishing that he did not have a problem (with the girl) in the first place.

I am not suggesting that people give up on situations and stop trying. It could be the elusive love of your life, it could be a difficult subject in your academics, it could be a battle against cancer, or it could be achieving a professional goal or target. Hang in there and make it all happen. But remember that the right approach to attempt solving any problem is by welcoming it and not by wishing it away.

Learnings:

1. Each problem we encounter has been custom-made for us.

2. Often times, to show us that we have a side to us that we are not aware of. Also to teach us a new learning through the experience.

3. Understand this. Life surely, like Math, will then be so much fun!