Zoom Out: Practice Patience

At an airport check-in queue last week, I witnessed two young men trying to get up ahead of others who had been waiting awhile. A senior citizen ordered them to fall in line. An argument ensued. And the airline had to call in the security. Time, energy, peace and order were the unwitting casualties.

Whether it is an airport queue or the one at a movie hall, or even when one is stuck a massive traffic jam, it is important to remember that there is no point kicking around, fretting or fuming. The queue isn’t going to get any shorter or the traffic any better with our frustration. A spiritual view helps restore perspective in such situations. From the time we arrived (on the planet), aren’t we all not in some sort of (invisible yet existent) queue to depart? Then why are we in such a hurry to get past this trying situation or queue? Take it easy!!

A key quality we all need to cultivate in us is patience. It is an essential in the curriculum prescribed by this university called life! Wikipedia defines it as the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which means persevering in the face of delay or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset. Our inability to remain patient causes stress, hypertension and other lifestyle diseases. In a world where communication happens in a nano-second (SMS), there is a subconscious desire that life must, like a brand of noodles, play itself to our whim and fancy, in two minutes! Whether it is proficiency in academics or an art form or a sport, we want results now. We want to lose weight in a matter of days. We demand loans to be sanctioned immediately. We insist people around us to listen only to our opinion. Slowly, the lack of patience in us manifests itself as intolerance__towards people and situations. At its elementary level, we sulk in self-pity; at a profound level, we explode. Which is why students clash with authority or communities riot. Patience is a virtue which can be cultivated. Through practice. Here’s how you do it. Make a list of situations that make you angry. Could be waiting in queues or traffic jams, could be doing assignments at college, could be doing chores at home or preparing reports for your boss. It could also be being in situations when your intelligence is questioned by someone. To practice patience, you must first know clearly what makes you impatient. And redefine those situations as your patience periods. Which means when you see a queue or a traffic jam or see an errand or assignment come your way, remember it is a patience period. Just like the periods in a school timetable, this too has a specific tenure and will be over soon. In your patience period, focus not on the pain of enduring the difficult circumstance but on your long-term goals in life. This is a simple technique called zooming out. When you see things from a broader perspective, you see how trivial your frustration or worries are. So, when you are in a lousy traffic jam and are getting late going to college or work, focus on your ambition to be, say, a CEO. And ask yourself, if in 15 years from now, will this traffic jam have prevented you from getting to your goal? If you can’t really say, why fret about it now? On a more philosophical note, zoom out and visualise yourself on your deathbed__will this situation that you are presently anxious about, even matter then? In all probability, you may not even remember it!

Learnings:
1. Practice patience.
2. It is always what it is. No amount of kicking around can change it.
3. Only calm, determined action, can change a situation. Over years of practicing patience, remember it is a continuous, never-ending process, you too can reach the state that the Buddha described thus: “When you realise how perfect things are in your life, you will look up and laugh at the sky”.

Don't wish your problems away!

As a student, I hated Math. Resultantly, I was weakest in that subject. So, understandably, I was amused to find my son and his friend (both of whom are majoring in Math at American universities) spending hours discussing a particular Math problem and the possible ways to solve it. Amazed, I asked my son how he developed such a great aptitude for the subject. Didn’t he find it boring and frustrating? “No Dad. If you get the conceptual understanding and know the basics, incremental levels of difficulty in problem-solving can be surmounted. That’s what makes Math so much fun,”he clarified.

On the face of it, I am not sure if fellow-strugglers like me will entirely agree with him. But interesting learning there. Life itself is no different. In life, at various stages, we are confronted with problems of varying dimensions and intensity. Our first reaction is to hate those problems. Or wish that they weren’t there. But in choosing to wish our problems away, we are actually not fulfilling a key criterion of intelligent and successful living. Which is to solve each problem that comes our way__happily, patiently, surely.

So, as a child, you may have a problem with an academic subject or a sport. As a teenager, you may have a problem understanding people. As a young adult you may have a problem managing your time and with prioritisation. Or you may have a problem with your health. Or maybe a financial problem. Whatever be the problem, if we embrace it and take to problem-solving the same way Math majors approach their curriculum__by logically arguing, debating, considering multiple solution options and reasoning which one is the best__life will become a meaningful and enriching experience.

The reason why many of us are unable to adopt this approach is because we don’t have enough conceptual clarity of life. Some of us live in the belief that we have problems because we are condemned or are less worthy or have sinned. We sulk. Imagine, if Math majors sulked or kicked around, would they find solutions any faster? If we understand the purpose of our creation, dealing with life becomes easier. Simply, life is about learning and evolving. And such evolution happens only when we gain (learn) from the experience of having faced and solved problems.

A reader recently wrote to me describing his problem. He is madly in love with a girl who is spurning him. In the bargain, while the girl has moved on, he has lost two years of academics owing to severe depression and is now picking up the threads of his life again. He lamented that life was being unfair and wanted suggestions on how to convince the girl to like him. When you place his experience in the context of what we are discussing, you will agree that his learning must be that a.relationships are not one-way streets and require intent and interest from both ends and b. having lost two years, he must focus on building his career and not force the issue with the girl. Especially when she is not interested. But this learning appears to be evading him because he is wishing that he did not have a problem (with the girl) in the first place.

I am not suggesting that people give up on situations and stop trying. It could be the elusive love of your life, it could be a difficult subject in your academics, it could be a battle against cancer, or it could be achieving a professional goal or target. Hang in there and make it all happen. But remember that the right approach to attempt solving any problem is by welcoming it and not by wishing it away.

Learnings:

1. Each problem we encounter has been custom-made for us.

2. Often times, to show us that we have a side to us that we are not aware of. Also to teach us a new learning through the experience.

3. Understand this. Life surely, like Math, will then be so much fun!