How Not to Worry

Our mind is perpetually spewing out thoughts. Almost like a popcorn machine. And these thoughts are random. With no linkages with each other at most times.

One moment you could be thinking of your childhood. Another moment about a credit card due. And then you could be checking an SMS or responding to a colleague. Or again think of someone who passed away several years ago. A good dress on display on the store window that you just walked past could grab your attention and you could start thinking about when was the last time you had made an impulsive purchase; and thinking of purchases could bring you back to your credit card that's overdue!!!!

60,000. That's the number of thoughts the average human mind generates daily. A good number of them deal with past events or experiences. And another good number deal with the future. We long for or brood over those past experiences and we worry about those in the future. The past is gone and you can do nothing about it. The future is yet to come and you have not seen its shape, size, color or impact. But the silly mind worries and frets. And then it frets and worries. The casualty is the present.

So, you could be sitting in a movie and thinking about tomorrow morning's presentation. Or you could be watching your daughter practice her music lessons, but be thinking about the hood of your car that got dented this morning! The present invariably gets no attention. I used to be that way too. Unable to be in the now. In fact, my wife, who works with me, for a long time, had a sign up in my office that read...'My wife says I don't listen to her or something like that...!'.

My hunger to control my mind and live in the Now led me through a journey of discovery. The first time I read Eckhart Tolle's 'Power of Now', it went over my head. But now, I am able to relate to it each single day. My other favorite author Eknath Eswaran's experiences helped me along too. Both say the same thing, but in their own inimitable ways. To control the mind, control your thoughts. And thoughts are like your pet dog that you walk daily. What does your dog do? It pulls the leash and tries to take you in different directions, sniffing, barking and clawing at almost anything it sees. Do you allow it to win or do you bring back the discipline and the heirarchy in the relationship? Inavariably, almost always, you call the shots. Why? Because you are CONSCIOUS of what the dog is doing (in the present) and you are CONSCIOUS of your responsibility to get it to behave (in the present). So, my dear friends, an ideal way to live in the present is to treat your thoughts the way you will treat your dog...reign them in and bring them back into the present. Let the mind be the master and direct your thoughts. So, next time you slip into the past or dive into the future, apply the leash and dog rule, and get back into the present.

Interestingly, the first few times, the mind will resist. Remember: no change is welcome easily. Similarly, your mind does not like taking additional responsibility for your thoughts. And tries to tell you that your thoughts are winning. But with consistent direction, and PRACTICE, the mind will cede. And you will start living in the present.

The biggest present you get for living in the present is__you stop worrying. And start living, as they say! Ah, yes, a simpler rule of thumb, should your mind still play truant or tricks with you, is to remember that The Master('s) Plan for you has no FLAWs. It is what it is. So, why worry? Just be. Just be. Just be.

The Learnings:
1. Reign in your thoughts into the present.
2. Do this consistently till your mind assumes additional charge of keeping your thoughts in the present.
3. Once in the present, you stop worrying and start living
4. Remember that the Master('s) Plan for you has no FLAWs. It is what it is.

The Spirit to Serve in 2009

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile – Albert Einstein

Spice Jet is not exactly our favorite airline. But lack of options forced us to take their flight from Vizag to Hyderabad on November 11, 2008.

We had seats in the front row. And as soon as we entered the plane, across the aisle, in the front row again, was a man, may be in his 60s, looking sick and scruffy__unkempt hair, a salt and pepper stubble, old-fashioned black shell frame for his glasses, bare-footed and, most shocking of all, wearing a lungi (not a dhoti). The first reaction was to silently blame low-cost air-travel for such ‘poor quality’ of fellow travelers. Sitting next to this man in the middle seat was a younger man, about 30, who, we soon surmised, was his son. The son was wearing trousers and a shirt__dressed appropriately, we concluded with relief.

But as we settled down and flight safety announcements began, it became clear that the older man in the lungi across the aisle was not normal. His son helped him on with his seat belt. He even patiently translated the announcements in the local language (Telugu) for his father__who, it was evident, was taking his first flight and was curious as only children would be. At one point, when the son physically lifted his father’s right leg and hand, one by one, and laid them in more comfortable positions, it dawned on us that the older man’s right side was completely paralyzed.

The feeling of guilt in having branded the man as an unworthy travel companion was beginning to gnaw from within.

We were airborne shortly and when the seat belt sign went off, the younger man, jumped up and went to confer with the flight attendants. A nod of approval soon followed from the senior steward. The younger man, returned to his seat and brought down a carry bag from the overhead bin. He pulled out a white plastic container that looked like the sort they use in hospitals to help immobile patients relieve themselves without having to visit the toilet. Without any embarrassment, completely non-plussed and calm, the son lifted his father’s lungi, shoved the container inside, held it there for what seemed like several minutes, and helped his father to relieve himself. Drawing the container out, he headed to the toilet, washed it all up and returned. He must have been aware of curious eyes following his every action. But he was too immersed in what he was doing to even worry about what people thought. He then fed his father some wafers, literally held a bottle of water to his mouth, helping him wash it down, and wiped his face with a paper towel. The father was cared for and served like a baby (perhaps, in the same way he may have cared for the son, when he was an infant!).

At the end of this very rare, but touching display of genuine, undiluted affection and pristine service, the learning did not escape us. Forget caring for humanity, how often do we care for people we know? Just people at home__parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents….How many of us would have been able to do what the son did for his father? Serve, with equanimity, with grace. In a selfless, non-complaining manner.

The Learning:

We spend a lot of our life wanting to amass, accumulate and acquire for ourselves. Service, even to our own, if at all, seems to form part of our life, only when we are compelled by circumstance.

This season, we can make an effort to change all that. May this simple-yet-moving story of this glorious son and his extremely lucky parent, awaken and rekindle your spirit to serve__just as it did to ours. Let us realize and appreciate that the purpose of our creation is to be of service. As you embrace 2009, ask yourself: Who are you serving this New Year?

Have a Song in Your Heart

Take a deep breath. And ask yourself why do you work? If you answer, “I work for a living”, this one’s for you.

The truth is that working is living. The two are inseparable. And work is not something that you do 9 to 5 or as in the BPO generation from 1 to 3! Work is your raison d’être, the purpose of your existence on this planet. Realize that your creation, your calling, your role, your performance__what we loosely call a career__has all been perfectly planned and is part of a larger, seemingly invisible, Universal design. And what is expected of you is that you enjoy every moment of your career.

Yet, this simple reality is lost on several of us. We crib about our careers, fret over our roles, complain about pay, wail about perks or hate our bosses, colleagues and organizations. It’s time to stop cribbing and start living__loving what you do!

20 years ago, straight out of college, armed with a basic (second class) degree in Physics, I set out looking for my first job. For various reasons, I needed a job urgently and therefore I courageously applied for the post of an instructor at a just-launched Computer Aided Design (CAD) training institute. I didn’t worry that I needed to have an engineering background or at least functional work experience in CAD to be able to teach aspiring CAD professionals. In any case, there I was, talking with my prospective employer with no remorse that I had applied for a position that I wasn’t even qualified for. Predictably, we came to the point where I had to concede that I knew no CAD!!! Having said that very quickly, I went on to present__this was not because of any specific strategy as much as it was to bag the job__my case on what I was good at. I sold myself on three key parameters__that I was ambitious, hardworking and believed that anything is possible. Including learning CAD in a week’s time and turning into a proficient instructor in just under a month. When I finished, my employer reached out and held me by my shoulder and declared that I had a job with him__not as an instructor though but as the institute’s marketing executive. I was delighted but could not hide my surprise at his decision. Sheepishly I asked him on why he made me the offer. And he said, “You don’t have the skills I need. But you have a song in your heart!”

I will never forget those words: ‘Have a song in the heart!’ They mean a lot more than they may appear to. At most times, in life, especially in our careers, we come across trying, vexing situations where our mind overrides the heart and exhorts us to quit. That’s logic telling us to be reasonable with our ambitions. Often, it is not what’s in front of us which blocks our way, but interestingly, what’s inside us that holds us back.

Take any situation you have encountered in life and where you have failed. Play the situation back, frame by frame, in your mind. And ask yourself a key question: could I not have handled it with a more positive attitude? Amazingly, the answer will be “yes”.

Organizations today are looking for people with attitude and not just skills. When you are fresh out of college__armed with a smart degree(s) and “professional” qualifications__and are dreamy-eyed, it will be a great feeling to land your first job. Most people, at this point in life, naively, believe that they have arrived. Wrong. Life’s great test has just begun. As you climb the corporate ladder in your quest for success, your attitude will come up for test, time and again. And that’s when you need to search yourself and bring out the winner in you. Don’t we all adore Mahinder Singh Dhoni more for being Mr.Cool than for his skills as a great wicketkeeper?

The Learning:

The next time you catch yourself cribbing about your career, stop it instantly. Know that you can make things better with a song in your heart. Believe me, with a song in it, your heart will go on...

Image Credit: With a Song in my Heart by Paula Golden, 2004

A Prayer to the Universal Teacher

O! Teacher, as I awake and arise, teach me to be humble. Teach me to respect another life and to accept that just as I am entitled to my opinion, others are too. Teach me, O! Teacher, to contribute selflessly and without expectation. Teach me to forgive every act of unkindness and injustice to me. Teach me to forget and unlearn what may not be relevant as I journey along.

Teach me, O! Teacher, to conquer anger and to attain that state of ahimsa, when all violence inside me subsides and true love prevails. Teach me to avoid hatred and jealousy. Teach me to resist ruinous temptations and to employ discretion at times when I may waver. Teach me to soak in and converse with the silence that engulfs me and for me to discover the real me in it. Teach me to lead a life of action, to live in this world, skillfully and selflessly, and yet be above it.

Teach me, O! Teacher, to remain detached from the fruits of my actions, and to know that if the MOTIVE is PURE and the MEANS are CORRECT, in the end, it will all be fine, if I do my best and leave you the rest.

Teach me to remain ever grateful to you, O! Teacher, for this life and this experience.

The Learning:

Most of us pray without understanding the meaning of what or why we are praying and without knowing what we are praying for. This prayer, in English (because that is the most common language we have and know to converse with 'ourselves'), captures the essence of all my learning from all the scriptures, from all the faiths, around the world. It is easy to understand. And is a reminder of the purpose of our creation. Which is to learn to live. Intelligently and in gratitude.

A Debutant Blogger's Learnings from Life on a Sunday Afternoon

As the year winds down, the cover of the latest issue of 'Outlook', intrigues me. It claims to prescribe how to stay happy in these gloomy times. And calls this year, 2008, horrid.

Not so surprisingly, the magazine pays just lip service to the subject of happiness. It's prescriptions range from the absurd__what to eat, wear, see, drink__to the eclectic__embracing Kalam's life's mantras. Is that all there is to happiness? And can another's life's philosophy appeal and apply to you?

To do things that again impact the materialistic realm of our existence?

Curiously, the same issue of the magazine, erases any fears that I may have nurtured that this world and its media have turned their backs on the concept of intelligent living__in the now__as a means to happiness. The story of Baby Moshe (Holtzberg) and his Nanny, Sandra Samuel, give me hope. Sandra is a perfect embodiment of living in the now. In the present. The trauma of the Mumbai (Nariman House) seige, the surreal nature of her impulsive act of valor in saving Baby Moshe from the clutches of the terrorists, her flight to an alien land without even time to bid goodbye to her own two children, the glamor that comes with high-profile media coverage, the selflessness in her resolve to stay committed to Baby Moshe 'till he needs her', her love for India, her acceptance of Israel as her home for the now, her faith that her God is inside her__dizzying, contrasting events, experiences, emotions.__have the potency to shake and stir anyone. But Sandra remains rooted in the now, soaking in and enjoying every moment. With equanimity. And that choice, that choice alone, makes her happy, she declares, to writer Seema Sirohi, peacefully.

The Learnings:

1. Happiness comes from wanting what you get. It does not come from things. What we eat, drink, wear don't give us happiness. What we are thinking about does.
2. Living in the present, in the now, is neither impractical nor is it a choice that you can postpone forever. Sooner than later, we will have to be on that path. When you start living in the present, is when you start living. Period. Until then, you were just existing on the planet.
3. No year, no event, no moment is horrid. There is beauty in every moment. Such is life. It is what it is. When you start accepting the moment for what it is, you start living.