How to let go!

We love to cling on to things: opinions, possessions, events, memories. We love to hold on to everything that we can lay our hands on. Resultantly, we are in pain almost all the time.

And yet, we have always been told to let go. Now, that's a dichotomy that we find hard, very hard, to come to terms with. And even harder to deal with.

As we go up the corporate ladder, at every coaching, training and appraisal forum, we are told we must let go, to rise further. When something terrible happens__like the loss of a dear one or losses in a business or loss of a job__we are told by elders and well-wishers alike that we must let go and move on. We attend a discourse to soothe our souls and again we hear the same refrain: 'let go and bliss will follow'.

So, is there a way to let go? Can it be practised? And what's the guarantee that it works?

Be sure, there is a way. But be also sure, like most other things in life, there are no guarantees.

First, accept that letting go is not an option or choice. It is the only way to understand and experience God__and to attain bliss. The key to trying this approach is faith. Keep the faith, all else follows.

To let go of anything__an opinion, an event, a memory or a possession (like a car, a house, a phone or a camera) or a relationship__we must first appreciate our real self. When we came into this world, we came with nothing. No name. No identity. No awareness of our sex. No tastes, no preferences, no opinions. Nothing at all. We just surrendered to the environment around us__which for most of us privileged folks who can read this blog had a, hopefully, happy home with doting parents. We ordered__by wailing__and we were pampered.

Have we ever wondered why we are not in that state of surrender anymore? Why are we not ordering what we want and why don't we have the faith that our wishes, aspirations will be fulfilled? The simple and only reason is that we employ too much of our intellect in living our life. We expect the Universal Creator to do a lot of proving. And given this deeply-held perspective, we just refuse to surrender and accept our real self is the one that had no attachments.

The secret to gaining anything in life__peace, love, prosperity__is to accept our real self and just let go. This involves appreciating the fact just as we are entitled to an opinion, others are too. So, let go of your opinion. Accept that if you lose something__your job, your money, your car, your house, your beloved__whatever, it was ordained. You came with nothing. And you will go with nothing. So, why cling on? Let go, therefore, of what's controlling you. When you practise letting go, you will gain an inner peace, good sleep and will attain bliss.

Learnings:

1. The real self is the one that came with no attachments.
2. All things that control you are things that are preventing your inner growth and taking you away from bliss.
3. Letting go is possible and is the only way to attain bliss.

Life's Essence in a Nursery Rhyme

“Row, Row, Row your Boat,
Gently down the Stream.
Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily,
Life is but a Dream!”

Most beautiful things in life are simple. And this nursery rhyme is no exception. As children, how many thousand times would we have sung this rhyme in a loud chorus in class? As we grew up, it faded from our memory. Little did we realise then that these four lines contain the essence of good, intelligent living. Too many young people spend far too much time worrying about life and their future. To be responsible and plan for a sound future is a worthy pursuit. But to be anxious and worry about life is futile. This rhyme is simple, easy to understand and its wisdom is so profound.

“Row, Row, Row your Boat,” Clearly in a choice-less lifetime, where we could not choose how, to whom, when and where we were born and where we cannot choose when we will depart, the only choice we have is to live a good life. And to live means to do our duty, selflessly. Therefore, we must keep rowing, on and on, implores this rhyme. Rowing here, to be sure, points to performing our duty in various roles in life as a child, parent, employee, citizen, human being__diligently and without compromise.

“Gently down the Stream.” Mark the word ‘gently’. Clearly, the message and advice is to not flap your oars with anxiety or to jump around__else the boat will capsize. But to move gently. The implication is to treat this life as ‘a gift’__after all, you didn’t ask to be born, did you? You were gifted this life. So, treat it with dignity. Even at times, when the going is tough, and you imagine you are actually rowing upstream, the rhyme encourages us to realise that it is actually a ‘smooth, naturally inclined, downward’ journey. Which also means that all of us are given situations that we are capable of handling. So, accept the task of navigating through the tough times, and do it with calm and poise, reminds the rhyme.

“Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily,” This means that since you don’t have a choice about rowing your boat, you might as well do it happily, joyfully. This encourages you to savour every moment of the journey. Many a time, we rush through our lives, rarely pausing to drink in its beauty. A child’s smile, the love in someone’s eyes, someone helping the blind cross a road, a bird chirping, a rainbow….every sight, every event is exquisitely crafted for our personal learning and enjoyment. But we are so consumed with ourselves that we miss them. It is like going to the cinema and being engrossed in text-messaging someone, missing important parts of the movie. What then would be our recall of the movie experience? This line, therefore, stresses on the importance of staying in the now and enjoying every moment of life’s journey.

“Life is but a Dream!” That is what it is. What we call a lifetime, is but a nano-second in cosmic parlance. And, even as the debates rage on the subject, there really is no sure way of your remembering what happened here after you are gone from this planet. It is like waking up from your sleep and being unable to remember what you had dreamt about. Would you worry about such a dream for too long in the day or would you just carry on with you work and commitments? The rhyme, in reminding us that life is but a dream, encourages us to leave the past behind and move on. I learnt this all important life lesson from good friends and authors, Matt Weinstein and Ritch Davidson, (‘Managing to have Fun’ and ‘Work like your Dog’), several years ago. And I have shared my interpretation of the rhyme here with you, so that you can soak in its essence and use it to guide you through the calm and__at times__choppy waters of life!

Happy Rowing!

Learnings:

1. Life's a journey!
2. Do your duty. And don't be either anxious or avaricious for the outcome.
3. Don't Worry! Be Happy!!

The Lord Is My Locksmith

A malfunction in the lock of the front door to my apartment has us all locked out today.

Interesting situation. There was anger first. Pain next. Agony in total. It was a searing 42 degrees centigrade in the foyer of our building. And the wait for the locksmith to arrive seemed endless.

Finally, almost two hours later he arrived. And after a quick diagnosis concluded that the lock and the latch (one of those modern locks placed in the latch) , both had to be broken__and condemned.

We trusted his opinion and went with his advice. He started work. It took him, a trained locksmith of several decades of experience, a good hour to pry free the latch and lock combo. Although we had insisted that the door itself should not suffer any damage, he ended up scratching the entire area around the lock with his tools and also left a gaping wedge several inches above the lock, closer to the keyhole, owing to a miscued mini pickaxe heave!

We accepted his worksmanship, thanked him, paid him what he asked for as his professional charges__without a whimper__and went on with our lives.

Later on, after cooling off for a while, I thought through the entire episode. And like a bolt of lightning, the awakening happened.

Here was a closed door. And we called whoever we thought was good with opening a closed door. We trusted the expert's expertise (though we had no first hand knowledge of it), accepted his advice, did not protest his workmanship and moved on.

The question that keeps coming back to me is, do we do it the same way with all closed doors in life? Almost every moment of our lives, we deal with situations like my closed door. And we do turn to the expert__some of us call HIM/HER God__but do we practise the same level of detachment from outcome and place the same amount of 'implicit' trust? Why do we, in life situations, actually try to control what the expert is doing to us? To be sure, when we resist God working on us, we are trying to control. A chip here, a knock there, a lost job, an emotional separation....all these are signs that the God is working on us., doing what is best to get us past that closed door.

But we want instant gratification. The locksmith gets an hour to open the door, but how much are we willing to give God? Without even wanting to know, how complicated our situation is, we expect instant solutions from God. And when that does not happen, we make sweeping and banal judgments like, 'God is not answering my prayers', 'Does God exist?', 'Is God X better than a God Y?'.

How naive can we be? We will trust our locksmith to physically open a door, but we question the best locksmith in the Universe__the one who opens a new door every time one closes?

Learnings:
1. Every closed door will open
2. It requires faith and patience.
3. Faith that the Universe's best locksmith is at work on our door(s) and patience that this wait is part of a larger, personalized cosmic design for us!

Lessons from a 1959 Classic

The movie 'Anari' has a fabulous song which remains my favorite. Not just for the melody but for the lyrics and life's essence captured in the first four lines of the song.

Kisiki Muskuraahaton Pe Ho Nisaar
Kisika Dard Mil Sake To Le Udhaar
Kisike Waaste Ho Tere Dil Mein Pyaar
Jeena Issi Ka Naam Hai....

The ablity to dedicate oneself to another's smile
The ability to borrow someone's sorrow
The ability to love someone from the bottom of your heart
This is life....this is living.....

Here's the full song for all fans of this movie, its director (Hrishida), its lyricists (Hasrat Jaipuri and Shailendra), its music composers (Shanker-Jaikishen) and the singer Mukesh. Of course, not to forget, the irrepressible showman Raj Kapoor.

(Kisiki Muskuraahaton Pe Ho Nisaar
Kisika Dard Mil Sake To Le Udhaar
Kisike Waaste Ho Tere Dil Mein Pyaar
Jeena Issi Ka Naam Hai) -2

(Maana Apni Jeb Se Fakeer Hain
Phir Bhi Yaaron Dil Ke Ham Ameer Hain) -2
Mitte Jo Pyaar Ke Liye Woh Zindagi
Jale Bahaar Ke Liye Woh Zindagi
Kisi Ko Ho Na Ho Hamein To Aitbaar
Jeena Issi Kaa Naam Hai

(Rishta Dil Se Dil Ke Aitbaar Ka
Zinda Hai Hameen Se Naam Pyaar Ka) -2
Ke Mar Ke Bhi Kisi Ko Yaad Aayenge
Kisi Ke Aansuon Mein Muskuraayenge
Kahega Phool Har Kali Se Baar Baar
Jeena Issi Kaa Naam Hai

Kisiki Muskuraahaton Pe Ho Nisaar
Kisika Dard Mil Sake To Le Udhaar
Kisike Waaste Ho Tere Dil Mein Pyaar
Jeena Issi Ka Naam Hai....

This really is what life is all about. To live for others. To share. To make people laugh. And to love all people around us. This is the only way to live__selflessly.

But we are perhaps put off by the simplicity of this Universal Truth. And our rational side takes over arguing,'Hey, this can't be so simple. Besides, why should I be so selfless when everyone around me is amassing__wealth, power, property?" That, indeed, is the tragedy of our lives. We never understand this simplest truth until it is too late!

Learnings:

1. Did you make someone smile today?
2. Did you share someone's sorrow?
3. Did you care for/love someone?
4. If not, it never is too late. Go do it now. This is life. This is living.

Dealing with hecklers and spoilers

Life is such that not every one or every thing is the same. That is the way creation manifests itself. That also leads us to the truism:"It takes all kinds of people to make this world."

Having said that, I am conscious of the fact that several people have difficulty dealing with several other people. Some of us are so darn simple, straightforward or even naive that we feel uncomfortable in the presence of those that manipulate and politicize each issue for personal gains. Some others hate those that are showy and pompous. But the most difficult lot to deal with are those who are cantankerous, scheming and unethical. All these categories of people make up our world. And it is normal to find it difficult to be living and working with them. They are usually those that ridicule the straight folks and heckle or rebuke the simple guys. In effect, they are party spoilers.

But there is a way out.

When dealing with such hecklers and party spoilers, do one or more of three things:
1. If the person in question, in your mind's eye, is older than you, visualize touching the person's feet.
2. If the person in question, in your estimation, is about your age or younger than you, visualize hugging the person
3. Say a prayer for the person wishing that all that the person aspires for must be realized and that the person must be happy, healthy and successful.

As I said, do one or more of these three things__selflessly , genuinely, sincerely and without any expectations. The first time you do it, you will feel initially diffident, but eventually, you will feel very, very good. The next time you do it, you will feel the other person beginning to ease up__at least with you. By the time you attempt a third round of this 'therapy', the person in question would have melted like butter on a table in summer and would be now emerging as your biggest fan and collaborator.

Try it. It works.

Learnings:
1. It takes all kinds of people to make this world. Appreciate, accept and leverage this diversity
2. Employ a simple 'therapy' that involves a mind game of touching someone's feet, giving that person a hug and offering a prayer for that person.
3. This will make your living and working with that person more meaningful and purposeful.

In the Realm of Surprise and Amazement

Consider our lives. Every living moment is so unpredictable and full of surprise and amazement.

The fact that I can write a blog that is actually being hosted in 'nothingness' (the Internet is virtual, right?) and yet be seen by all its readers and followers is amazing. Isn't it? The reality that we were born humans__that can THINK__ and were not created as other 'unthinking' living creatures or 'unthinkable' inanimate objects, is a miracle.

The fact that the sun rises, the birds chirp, the bees buzz, the cattle laze, the flowers pollinate...are all miracles in every day life. The bigger miracle is that we have the ability to 'sense' these miracles.

When we treat each moment as a new surprise and receive it with amazement we can respond in two ways:
1. We can respond with fear and worry of the unknown, upcoming moment. And let that worry cede into doubt, anxiety and self-doubt. Which further leads to guilt, stress and depression. In such a mode, we hardly respond to life as a gift or want to make it count. We only want life to be what we want it to be. Without realizing that life is happening to us, around us, for us, irrespective of what we want.

2. The other way is to look for the positive signs in every moment. Deriving joy from the manner in which life manifests itself. Accepting the moment and celebrating its surprise with amazement. This is what will help us live in the Now and prepare to soon attain and practice to stay in the state of Bliss.

Have we seen little children? Don't they see every event with a sense of awe and amazement? They don't value-judge any event. They just take each moment as it comes. Lying down on their mothers' laps or in their cribs, they respond to each sound wide-eyed and curious. They want to look around and see what's going on. They would be as much in awe in a slumdweller's home as they would be in the White House. And the reason for their state of Bliss__or unbiased perspective__is that they are willing__and waiting__to be surprised and amazed.

Are we willing to be like children? Willing to be surprised and amazed with each moment? Be sure. That's the only way forward. And the only way to Bliss.

Learnings:

1. Each moment, life surprises and amazes us.
2. We can either live in fear of the unknown or accept and celebrate what comes our way.
3. Bliss is not a state that you attain high up in the mountains but that which you can attain in a nano-second by willing to be surprised by and amazed with life.

Trusting the Master('s) Plan

Chances are that all of us, at least once every month, use public transport: a taxi, if in India or Thailand__an autorickshaw or a tuk-tuk__a bus, a train or a plane. How many times, while choosing these means of transport, do we actually stop and ask the driver or pilot to show us their licence? In some cities, with better regulation on public transport, the driver's licence is on display. Even then, do we actually study it?

We just go on with our journey concentrating on our destination and what we seek to accomplish on getting there because we 'trust' either the administration or authority that governs the public transport system or the driver or both.

The question that begs attention is that we are willing to trust implicitly, someone who we don't even know__the driver or pilot__with our life and our mission for the journey, while we don't want to trust the Creator, our Creator and Master, who gave us the right to journey through life in the first place?

Don't we often worry about a situation or condition even after we openly declare that 'we have left it to God'? Don't we think of a Plan B even after praying for a Plan A outcome?

These are signs of wavering faith and a tottering trust. That really is the problem with us humans. Our education has made us very logical and unconvincable. So, a prayer is only a poor veneer for our faith. Peel off that veneer and you can see people who are insecure, fearful and worried.

The next question is, did we behave like that on today's plane or taxi ride? Were we not submitting ourselves to the driver's/pilot's judgment even if there was turbulence or the traffic was chaotic?

The truth is we trust what we can see or logically relate to. Since God is logically unsee-able, we waver. And that is sad. In our ever-increasing craving for material outcomes and rational prognosis of every event in our lives, we have subconsiously started to expect God to prove His/Her existence.

The day we place ourselves unconditionally, like we did in our morning's train or bus or plane ride today, in the hands of our driver and Master, will we start enjoying this ride that we call life. And it is this state of trust in the Master('s) Plan, leading to enjoying the ride, that we call Bliss.

Learnings:

1. Why do we trust a driver whom we don't even know but doubt the one that gave us the right to this ride called life?
2. When we trust the Master('s) Plan unconditionally we attain the state called Bliss.

Overcoming Guilt

Sometimes, all our best intentions to stay calm, stay humble and stay anchored within ourselves come to a naught.

Someone may argue with us. Someone may insinuate us. Someone may criticize us. And all our patience__practised over months/years of hard work__evaporates and we end up going back to our old self: combative, angry and violent in thought, and possibly action.

Obviously, we let go of our inner anchor that led to us slipping. And so we feel guilty. But in spiritual progress, such events if they leave an after-taste of guilt, are indicative of and a confirmation of us being on the transformation path. Because, you slipped not to mindlessly indulge in a slug-fest, but because you felt something was not right and needed fixing. What is commendable is that you feel the guilt of having slipped. And you feel your spiritual equilibrium has been disturbed.

The way you overcome that guilt is to celebrate its existence. Only a spiritually evolved or evolving person senses the guilt. If you are not on the spiritual journey you will be asking the question,"How dare so-and-so challenge me?", which reveals an ego at play. But if you are in a spiritual practice, the questions in your mind will be:"Why did I respond the way I did? How could I have handled this better?"

Grab those questions and seek within you for the answers. Expunge the guilt that you are guilty. Treat the episode as being part of a larger Master Plan in which you are just a pawn. The Master puts us through each experience for us__and everyone in our circle of influence__to learn lessons. That's the only consciousness you need to acknowledge, accept and appreciate.

Learnings:
1. Awareness of your sense of guilt is a sign that you are on the spiritual path
2. Expunge that guilt by asking yourself what you could have done differently in that situation
3. Every experience has its learnings and is part of a larger Master Plan that has no flaws

Our ETA, ETD, Expiry Date

This one is for all those who think they are in control of their life__and therefore want to continue to control it.

Please consider the following:

1. You cannot decide when you are born.
2. Nor to whom you are born.
3. Or into which religion you are born.
4. Or even in which country or city where you are born.
5. You can't even choose your name when you are born.
6. Just as you can't choose your Expected Time of Arrival (ETA) on this planet, nor can you ever determine your Expected Time of Departure (ETD).
7. We all come with an Expiry Date, but nobody really knows nor can anyone can give us that date except the Creator.


So, what are we really in control of? Think about it. Yes, surely, we can be in control of how we live our lives. If we live a purposeful life, we leave behind a message__that the purpose of all life is to serve. And if we live a life of material pursuit and gains, thinking we are the Creator, sooner than later we will awaken to the moment of truth that we control nothing and that we must find purpose in our life.


Learnings:
1. We control nothing.
2. Not our ETA or ETD or our Expiry Date.
3. At best, we can control how we live our life.
4. And the only, best possible, way is to serve.